so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize