my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
