I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
