theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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