she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
