I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
it hurts more in the daytime
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
