Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
