Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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