When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I think your dad took our porno
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
