I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
