I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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