I feel great
I just peed on a car
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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