Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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