please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
