I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
