i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
