you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
This house was built for laser tag.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
