i permit you to call me
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
