So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
