you traded sex for a burrito?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
