You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
