Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
