Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
