If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Randomize
