if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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