so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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