there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
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