A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
