what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
How does one acquire holy water?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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