I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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