remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
