I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
