So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i think i have two assholes
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
