Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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