I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
