dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
