Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize