Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
