How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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