guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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