Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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