my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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