It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
