I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
