We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
