The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize