That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
