you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
