my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
