operation have a gay friend backfired
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
