My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
