So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
