Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
