Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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