So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize