If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
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