Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Randomize
