I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
