hotel room ftw
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
