He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize