Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
