The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
