forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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