i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
