i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
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