Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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