Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize