if only i could text you this smell
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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