I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
