I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
