I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize