if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
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