it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
My vagina is officially offended.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
