i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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