dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
