i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
