haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
