Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
just tell him i said nine months
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
