I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Randomize
