I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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