Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
