A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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