i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
