Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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