i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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