he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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