i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
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