Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
