the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
