11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
