yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
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