my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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