I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
