Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
